I had asked you to bring in an example of published prose that meets George Orwell's criteria for bad writing. Very few of you did so. I'd like you to complete that assignment now, and to post at least one sentence of bad writing, along with a brief explanation of how the piece violates Orwell's rules.
Because Orwell's essay is ultimately about politics, I'd especially like to see examples of bad political writing. That said, please don't insert your own political opinions into your comments. Remember, Orwell spreads the blame equally, among all the political figures of his day, and I'm sure we could do the same.
(Those of you who did complete the assignment on time can simply post a selection from what you brought to class.)
"This change will allow us to better leverage our talent base in an area where developmental roles are under way and strategically focuses us toward the upcoming Business System transition where Systems literacy and accuracy will be essential to maintain and to further improve service levels to our customer base going forward."
ReplyDeletethis is an exerpt from Scott Adams' "The Dilbert Principal" it is an example of poor writing because smaller words could have been used instead of this mess of over streatched words that lose meaning due to the fact that it is difficult to understand.
Also that sentence is about three times too long, no? Good example!
ReplyDelete"He has called her an ally of the special interests and advocate for jettisoning government agencies and privatizing programs for the elderly and veterans that millions of Nevadans rely on." This is from a news article called "Obama takes breather after campaign frenzy" by Steven R. Hurst. This is an example of bad writing because it uses big words like jettisoning and privatizing, when smaller, more commonly known words could take its place so people would understand the article better.
ReplyDeleteNathan
"'Ethics' is something which is now so subjective. I remember having many brain storming sessions with professors, bosses, friends, shop keepers, etc. It is a very integral part of our day to day life but somehow ethics remain in the domain of unsaid and unset category. Something which we appreciate but are apprehensive, no, in fact, I can blatantly put it, reluctant to inculcate it within our own personal lives, at least when it comes to dealing with people. Well, I do not want to sound like a preacher or someone who is blaming... Times are changing and hence it is essential to know the legalities along with medical ethical issues." by Torque Earnest. This is a poor piece of writing because the author of the article used words that could have been replaced with more simpler words and because he didnt, it's harder to understand.
ReplyDelete-Ted Merschman
"In one, a comfortable, young American, a 'successfully' educated male, alien in his own company, stunned and hampered by the inadequacy of his fine education, resorts to autodidactic strategies to move outside the surfeit and bounty and excess and (I think) the terror of growing up vacuum-pressured in this country to learn a very old fashioned skill."
ReplyDeleteThis is a sentence from Toni Morrison's essay "The Dancing Mind" that we read at the beginning of the semester. This is an example of bad writing because she uses a ton of big words. Also, the sentence could be cut in a few different places to make it a paragraph, not just one long sentence. I realize Toni likes her big words and that is the kind of writer she is. She is very capable of writing simple sentences because she does it in the same essay. This sentence is so wordy and complex it's hard to grasp the first time you read it.
Um. Does it make me a bad person if I think the Torque Earnest quote is actually... not that bad? Oh well.
ReplyDeleteTwilight seemed like an obvious candidate for this. It was almost hard to pick just one quote.
"Edward in the sunlight was shocking. I couldn't get used to it, though I'd been staring at him all afternoon. His skin, white despite the faint flush from yesterday's hunting trip, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn't sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal."
She can't seem to stop contradicting herself within the same sentence. It also feels like she grabbed up a random selection of adjectives, tossed them through a thesaurus, and picked out the most obscure results she could. Some of these are run-on sentences, and some are just incomplete. (I know that can work in some cases, but when the quality of the work is this bad, it stands out a lot more.) There is only one simple sentence in this entire passage, and it's stuck at the beginning. Short sentences should really be used to break up longer run-ons. Better rhythm, ya' know? Every sentence here has to jump off onto some tiny tangent (JUST SO YOU KNOW), it slows down the scene as a whole (JUST LIKE SOME KIND OF METAPHOR), and every tiny contradiction (THOUGH OF COURSE THE READER CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND ALL THE COMPLEXITIES OF THE CHARACTER WITHOUT THEM) turns ten seconds of staring into an hour-long slow motion sequence (BY WHICH WAY, THIS WHOLE EXPLANATION ONLY TOOK HALF A SECOND TO PROCESS). None of this story is told like it's actually in real time. Life will not slow down for long, useless thoughts. A story should not move like that, unless it really is about defying space and time. On a minor note: her marble simile doesn't actually seem that fitting. She just went out of her way to describe him as super pale, but then she uses it in the context of "smooth," which also sort of implies that crystal (by contrast) is not smooth. Also, there are already known minerals and stones that are both sparkly and white. (White quartz stone, salt blocks, etc.) An iridescent paint job is probably a lot closer to what she's thinking of though. In short: this story needs a lot less references to rock, and a lot more to 1950's refrigerators.
If, for a while, the ruse of desire is calculable for the uses of discipline soon the repetition of guilt, justification, pseudo-scientific theories, superstition, spurious authorities, and classifications can be seen as the desperate effort to "normalize" formally the disturbance of a discourse of splitting that violates the rational, enlightened claims of its enunciatory modality.
ReplyDeleteThis is from a book by Homi K. Bhabha, it is extremly confusing and hard to understand and it also is pretty lengy. The sentence also uses many unnecessary big words.
John Richardson
It’s very melodramatic and sometimes kind of stupid, and more importantly designed primarily for entertainment; but still, any entertainment product usually reflects something about the culture it is aimed at.
ReplyDeleteThis sentence is "bad writing" because they use words that could easily be replaced by shorter words and have it take less time to read.
Existing is being unique. Existence, reality, essence, cause, or truth is uniqueness. The geometric point in the center of the sphere is nature’s symbol of the immeasurable uniqueness within its measurable effect. A center is always unique; otherwise it would not be a center. Because uniqueness is reality, or that which makes a thing what it is, everything that is real is based on a centralization.
ReplyDeleteThis is an example of bad writing because it just goes in circles. It just makes the same point over and over again.
"About Branstad, the institute writes: “The former Iowa governor (1982-1998), Branstad is now a heavy favorite to win the governorship of Iowa again in November. All the while, he has adorned the lip sweater serving as a role model for young Mustached Americans who wish to serve their community in government.”
ReplyDeleteI think there is a couple over uses of big words (All the while, adorned) to make the writer seem more intelligent. Or possibly an attempt to make a very, very boring subject seem to have some level of importance. Although, I must give credit to the attempt to make the mustache mob politicly valuable. Poor Bran-stache.
Forgot my name... The above is mine.
ReplyDeleteTara -- your comment is hilarious, and dead-on.
ReplyDeleteAnd Brendan -- let me guess: philosophy class reading?
"With at least $263 billion already obligated to be spent by Congress over the next 40 years on public housing, we have dug a deep trench by obviously biting off more than we could chew."
ReplyDelete-do not use metaphors
"This military action, taken in accord with United Nations resolutions and with the consent of the United States Congress, follows months of constant and virtually endless diplomatic activity on the part of the United Nations, the United States, and many, many other countries."-George Bush announcing the war on Iraq.
ReplyDeleteHe uses a lot of really big words that could be substituted with smaller easier to understand words. I think he also uses elevated diction so people will think its a really smart idea to start this war and think they know why we are starting it even though they don't really know what hes talking about. Politicians do this all the time. They make a name for something to make it more important or nicer than it really is. For example "No Child Left Behind" and "The war on Terror". These make people that don't know what is really happening think that what the politicians are trying to do is right.
"Whomever lives indirectly below me continually plays "Jesus Walks" at such a volume as to allow for me to discern that the song being played is in fact "Jesus Walks", but not at such a volume as to allow for me to enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteMake up your mind, instigator/s of this phenomenon, if you would, s'il vous plait"
This is a status I just pulled off of Facebook.
The writer has a good vocabulary, but having a good vocabulary is not the same thing as good writing or being smart.
The writer could have easily simplified this status with simpler vocabulary and made it a lot easier to read.
Also, the writer uses a phrase from a foreign language which is a direct violation of Orwell's rules.
"Two years ago, I told the Congress and the country that the war on terror would be a lengthy war, a different kind of war, fought on many fronts in many places. Iraq is now the central front. Enemies of freedom are making a desperate stand there -- and there they must be defeated. This will take time and require sacrifice. Yet we will do what is necessary, we will spend what is necessary, to achieve this essential victory in the war on terror, to promote freedom and to make our own nation more secure."
ReplyDelete-George Bush Speech on Iraq
These few sentence could have for sure been said in way less words, he elongates it, taking something he could have said with one word and adding unnecessary adjectives. He makes his point more confusing and complicated. The first sentence is very run on type, he just keeps adding on and adding on. I think Orwell would have definitely considered this bad writing.
"focus on ownership of teamwork assessment validation assets" This is an example of bad writting i found on the web. It is so bad the sentence when broken down is meaningless. its hard to imagine but it happens alot. this is to blame do to the bad thinking of a person which in turn leads to bad writting.
ReplyDelete"I utilized a multitined tool to process a starch resource."
ReplyDeleteTRANSLATION: "I used my fork to eat a potato."
In the late 1650's, Smith's mother returned to London , she then removed him out of his educational atmosphere with the intent to make him a farmer.
ReplyDeleteThe sentence is a run on. Also, the writer uses an apostrophe after 1960s. It is only used to show possessiveness or contractions. The writer should have made the one sentence two.